I been spending some rough weeks trying to get up with things back to ‘normal’, kind of. Mostly to get my economy rolling again. And I am on a roll I can say… Although I been spending a lot of time to be able to step things up for my music and writing the last few years I had to get so many steps back to be back on track as I had to move back to the city again, so I even had to go back to work as a bartender again. I mean with mixed feelings for sure. Altho I did have the pleasure to work in the Rosenthal Garden Party festival with lots and lots of bands playing. It was a great festival and I been absolutely f..ucked for a day since I been standing up serving drinks for about 12 hours shifts straight. It was super busy tho up for it with a smile. I am so looking forward to that freaking paycheck basically. And I really felt the petty for being there as a bartender as my dream would be to have gigs like that someday. And the dream felt further away than ever ‘ Well…. What’s a royal ball after all….. ‘.
So generally the pressure has been really unbearable at times lately, just to be honest. I am happy tho that I could get back to work again and just start just over the day, and it’s been almost fun at times… trying to grab ahold of aevery piece of happiness I could find, very needed, I mean at the end of the day I did get to go to the festival without paying and eating almost vegan staff food, trying to stay tuned with my positive vibe. Eating chocolate (!) and being super sleep deprived. great. So I guess I just feel further away from my dreams in reality than I ever felt I think, ever over all, at the moment, sloppy thirds, I know. So yeah kind of under my own shoes…. And just to mention being a sober person for years and years is kind of unmatched with being a bartender in a way, I know ( tho I really like to work as a bartender ) and being just me feels kind of unmatched with pretty much anything at the moment so I guess it kind of works, and when it’s a lot to do, I can avoid to think so much about everything else, I guess, and it might get things to a happier note with having to be very friendly and nice, I mean actually getting up from the sofa and grab some lipstick on the run out to the tube to be in time, greet everybody with a smile, I mean it might stick just as that, SMILE , as I picture myself with that ultra smile, just for tips. So yeah I am on a roll ( or lets say about 4 part time rolls ) grinding and wasting my time away. Fantastic.